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Faded films: Back from the brink

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So I guess a few weeks ago now I had a semi public meltdown which I used this increasingly bizarre “””column””” to advertise. But I am relatively more stable now (I saw my therapist and psychiatrist back to back on the same day!!) A lot of it was just wallowing in self (and public) pity while having a revolving door of family, friends, and other not exactly invited guests rotate through my apartment. ANYWAYS I GOT Through this weird ass time while sobbing lightly while watching ’80s movies that I have managed to go my entire life without watching (some of them without having even heard of!!). I also didn’t know that Cher had been in so many movies and I’m not sure that I really missed anything by avoiding that little tidbit.

OK ANYWAYS!!!!! SO yes!!!! These are what I think the opposite of cultured and intersting movies are but they serve a purpose which is making me thinking slightly less about death and my numerous existential crises. Plus!! my psychiatrist told me that he thought that way I had handled my meltdown was actually very healthy which was truly the most shocking thing that has ever been said to me. This is a break from the usual pseudo intellectual but cliche french shit I usually recommend and is more along the lines of things you really should have been thankful for missing in the 80s.

Mystic Pizza

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This movie is perplexing—it’s just suddenly revealed halfway through the movie that we’re supposed to believe Julia Roberts is Puerto Rican?? She dates some rich white dude and you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop because he is whiny about not succeeding in law school or wherever it is that white straight men go to learn how to be aggro.

Moonstruck

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I like “””plain””” Cher! I’m not sure why she swaps half way through the grey hair was doing something for me. Anyways, this movie has absolutely no pacing—Cher is an accountant which is very barely explained and then all of a sudden she’s dealing with Nicholas Cage who is hideous and screaming about his hand or some shit. I really don’t know. I guess I’d recommend it if you’re like depressed or some shit?? I’m not sure.

Mermaids
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OK!!!! I would not recommend this movie at all—you think Cher, Christina Ricci and Winona Ryder would be something you’re interested in but it’s not!!!!! First of all for some unexplained reason Winona Ryder is a Jewish girl obsessed with being Catholic?? Also she’s 15 and has sex with a 25 year old man and for some reason this is not horrifying to anyone.

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Jamie Lee Curtis has not been young in my lifetime—I literally first remember her as a salt and peppered person in some Disney movie or some shit. I mean who knows. Anyways!! This movie won or was nominated for some Oscars-did you know this???? I think I laughed 1.5 but god damn who even wants to win an oscar when this shit and Moonstruck have been acknowledged by the academy.



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Comments

  • Heard Faded. Saw DIY on the title. Liked immediately.

    Customessaywriting April 16, 2018 3:04 am Reply

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