Photos by Lucy Blumenfield. Find more of her work here.
At 21 years old McCall has already released one successful EP Under The Reign, and has been performing live since she was 16 years old. Some of her singles have millions of hits on Spotify, and yet still, McCall has struggled with the chronic fear that seems to grace all young people these days that she simply wasn’t quite good enough. “I felt like the clock was ticking on my chance to become someone I was proud of or be stuck like this forever.” she says of that fear. This sentiment became the catalyst for her upcoming EP On Self Loathing, a high energy synth-pop catalog of anxiety and angst that rings true even as you find yourself vibing to the percussive melody of the tracks. McCall’s voice is simply gorgeous, and her lyrics reveal a hard earned wisdom that feels honest for someone who has basically been working since they were a teenager. On her single “Disaster” she sings, “I’ve been calling home less/ Making my mama cry”, and this is just one of those lyrics that feels like a true glimpse into a young person’s head. McCall has a lot that she can be proud of, but then again, that’s probably true for many of us. Never seems to help much though, does it?
Following your debut Under The Reign, this new EP seems to be where you have really come into your own as a musician. How did you get to this point? Did you feel different when you were writing and recording On Self Loathing?
The process of this EP is definitely a lot different than how I’ve approached a project in the past. I spent A LOT of time by myself, writing and recording most of the initial demos on my own before I brought anyone else in to work on them. I flipped the script on myself this time, really trying to dive deep into ways that I’ve let myself down rather than narrate events I’ve experienced. I also decided nothing could be in standard tuning on my guitar for some reason, so I spent a lot of time learning all the tunings in Hozier’s album “Wasteland Baby!” and Pinegrove’s “Skylight.”
If you could elaborate a bit on what went into this EP, these singles feel particularly vulnerable. Was it difficult for you to get into that somewhat dark mindset?
I was in a really dark mindset already when I decided to begin On Self Loathing. There’s this attitude about your early twenties that you’re supposed to be “solidifying the person you’ll be for the rest of your life” and setting up good habits, etc. That sentiment really got to me for a bit because I don’t like myself most of the time, and I felt like the clock was ticking on my chance to become someone I was proud of or be stuck like this forever. So I used the writing of this EP to comb through every single character flaw that lead me to this mindset, so I could see my shortcomings all at once and work on myself from there.
You have been recording since you were very young! How did you decide to start sneaking into those blues clubs? I can tell you I would have been way too shy at that age to do something like that!
To be honest, it didn’t feel too sneaky. Everyone in the acoustic circuit knew that I was underage and probably not supposed to be there, but I worked my ass off and held my own pretty well. I was lucky to have a network of older people in the scene who felt protective of me and had my back when I was out late doing shows.
Do you remember what it was like to do that for the first time? Were you more nervous or excited?
I was really really nervous until I realized that no one gives one single fuck about the 16 year old in the corner of the bar playing covers. Once I realized that, it was more relaxed because I just hung out and played what I wanted until whatever random drunk dude waddled up and asked for a Chris Stapleton song.
It’s taken a lot of risk to get to this point for you, how did you know it was worth it to try to seriously pursue this path? Was there ever a moment where you thought maybe this wouldn’t work out? (It does seem to be working out pretty well now though!)
Hey thanks! Honestly, the only time I questioned it in my whole life was right when COVID hit. I felt pretty useless as an artist, but as the year has progressed, it’s clear to me that art is just as valuable as before, if not more so. There was never a conscious choice for me to pursue music, I just started writing songs when I was 9 and then didn’t stop. I feel very confident that making music is what I’ve been put here to do or else some other career path would’ve taken my attention away by now.
Are there any artists who you take inspiration from? Who are some of your favorites?
I was listening to a lot Andy Schauf and Anais Mitchell while I was writing the lyrics and melodies. Bobby and I referenced Charli XCX/AG Cook and George Clanton while discussing the sonic landscape of the tracks. Every project draws inspiration from a whole lifetime of influences though, so it’s hard to say specifically.
What do you think it is about your song “Disaster” that connects to so many people? It’s one of your most popular singles to date!
I mean, I think the main thing is Bobby’s production and Curtis Toyota’s mixing. The track hits you so hard in the face it’s hard to ignore. As far as the song itself…I have no idea, I guess the people are mad at themselves and wanna shout about it right now? People seem to be resonating with the “apologies never matter” sentiment of the chorus? I do not know.
Is there anything you are planning to work on next? I’m sure it’s been strange to create during a quarantine.
It’s actually been a breeze to stay creative, miraculously. I can track guitars and vocals at my house, and Bobby produces it out at his place in Minnesota. We’ve been working that way since before quarantine (we’ve still never met in person), so nothing had to change thankfully. Bobby and I are working on the next EP in August, and I have a few side projects coming out this year as well 🙂
Can you talk about that self loathing a bit? Do you still feel that these days? If so, how do you combat it?
Thank you for asking! For the most part, I feel a lot better. What I’ve realized as I’ve been sharing this EP is EVERYONE hates themselves to a degree. There are people I love and adore that don’t think they have anything good to offer this world. Since finishing the EP, I had to confront the fact that no one else cares about my flaws in the way that I do. I’m the one zooming in on past conversations I’ve had and picking them apart, staring in the mirror at every bump on my skin, finding myself too annoying or too quiet or too removed. I met this dude named Irving in Atlanta a long time ago who wrote a song about how social anxiety is just a worse form of narcissism – no one is ever paying that much attention to you, and for you to believe that they are, to the point where it makes you weird and nervous all the time, is actually kind of selfish. That sounds harsh, he probably said it better, but basically the point is no one cares so just exist without freaking out all the time.
Keep up McCall on Instagram and stay tuned for her upcoming EP ‘On Self Loathing’ coming this September
