by Bunny Michael, The Sexual Existentialist
As an artist and performer, I use Instagram to showcase my work, which is mostly self portraits, many of them sexually suggestive. I make digital collages of my body and face to inspire a dialogue of witnessing the self, self-mastery, the struggle of identity, etc. However, a couple of weeks ago I posted a photo of my butt. Nothing fancy, just my butt cheeks hanging out of my underwear, and after I hit the “post” button I felt nervous. I was more nervous about the reaction than even when I post a piece of art I have literally worked on for hours. All of the sudden I’m self-conscious. Are people going to see this as art? Are they going to think this is a cry for attention? Am I looking for validation? Am I just trying to turn people on? All of these questions came to me after I posted the photo. I almost deleted it. But then I thought, “fuck it, I’m a free woman, an artist, I can post what I want.” It turned out that my intuition about people seeing this photo differently was on point. In the next few days hanging out with various friends, people were like, “oh, I saw your ass on Instagram.” Or, “oh hi, Bunny, haven’t seen you in a bit, but I saw your butt online,” etc. I was thinking, “Wow, did you see the other post of my painting I poured my heart and soul into, or did you only remember the ass pic?” but just smiled at them demurely.
What is is about posting a sexual snapshot that gets such a different reaction than other art? I mean, in this day and age you’d think people would be comfortable with the human form? Why do we feel so ashamed and are so often criticized for displaying our bodies? The thing is, I grew up learning to be ashamed of my body. Everything from T.V. to magazines to high school bullies said I wasn’t pretty enough, skinny enough, tall enough, white enough, even brown enough. I couldn’t win. So if I feel the desire to share my butt cheeks with the world, shouldn’t that be a victory?!
Why do we judge other people, and even more, ourselves, for being interested in our own image? The human body is so fascinating! Its form, its function, its variety, its healing power, its sexual energy, its mystery, and its inevitable decay…what could be a more profound artistic subject? And we all walk around in these magical forms every day, mostly never realizing what awesome creatures we are. Rather than criticizing our bodies, we should wake up every morning and say, “Thank you body, you’re a fucking phenomenal vessel consisting of multiple complex systems that not only enable me to move around, eat, think and breathe, but also self-heal, connect to other bodies, create life and express joy!” Hmmm, maybe that ass pic I took was my best art piece yet.
For more on the subject, I talked with artist, Alexandra Marzella. I started following her very popular Instagram months ago; it’s full of beautiful and yet challenging sexually charged selfies. Well, actually sexually charged everything (her strange food pics even look weirdly sexual). As a professional model and artist, I wanted to hear the psychology behind the images she chooses to put out in the world and what her intentions behind displaying them publicly are.
BM: When I first came upon your Instagram, I was immediately attracted and fascinated by your physical beauty. That’s the first thing I noticed. Then when I looked closer, I sensed you had a very strong awareness of something deeper, like you were looking at yourself as well, your selfies seem very in the moment and have a “present” sensibility that feels very brave. Do you use selfies as a way to get closer to yourself? Do you think you understand yourself better by putting out an image of yourself and seeing reactions (likes, comments) from other people?
AM: I think the internet provides one of the most unique and yet universal experiences this world has to offer. Every individual has their own experience with it and within it. A curated world, perfectly catered to you; the perfect escape. At least that’s what got me hooked. In my opinion we’re all using it as a mirror, looking at ourselves . Whether we’re posting selfies/taking them or not. So yes, I do in my life and in my work. Quantity of comments and likes are only relevant because of social currency. For me the most important thing is sharing work and getting feedback, especially from other artists whose work I really admire. And yes! I think I know myself pretty damn well and I think the human body is something to be endlessly explored, why not start with your own?
BM: Do you see your Instagram as art? How essential is Instagram to your artistic identity?
AM: Yes. I’m one of those individuals that can constitute anything as art. Output is art. But don’t let that detract from my original answer. I’m not sure how essential it is. I haven’t imagined who I’d be or what I’d make without the internet as a tool in much depth. However it has got me a lot of modeling work. I wish it had gotten more more art jobs but hey I’m working on it. It’s been crucial in developing a glorious network of my contemporaries too.
BM: Do you think about how your photos make people feel about themselves?
AM: I don’t enough. This is something I struggle with in daily life and in person as well. I’m very selfish and very much live in my mind’s fantasy a lot of the time. I’m very open and outward so I tend to put myself on others rather than consider how they feel. I continue to work on this.
BM: When you post sexually expressive photos, do you ever question your intention behind them (i.e. am I using this as a validation for my own beauty)? Or do you feel like a free channel for expression?
AM: Oh my gosh. At this point what ISN’T sexual? I’m a nudist. Or wish I was. So often when I post “sexually expressive” images of myself I’m not necessarily sexualizing myself or even really thinking of how others may perceive it that way. Even though I know that’s inevitable. Anything can turn someone on, anything can be fetishized, sexualized. There are times I post things to lift my spirits or confidence based of my physical appearance. However, I work hard to not make it common place in my practice. More often it’s for shock value. Because I give no fucks.
BM: How important is the caption on a photo (i.e. what you “title” it with)?
AM: Sometimes I feel dull for not thinking of interesting captions. Usually mine are reactionary and immediate. I’ve probably used the same caption for a lot of images. Like “lol” for instance.
BM: There seems to be a large trend in the media to write and talk about “feminist art on Instagram,” which very often seems to be attractive white women posting sexually arousing selfies, with curated colors and lighting, etc. as a source of empowerment. I recently read in an interview you thought your image has less impact because you’re “still just a skinny white person.” How do you feel race plays a role in “feminist art on Instagram”? Do you consider yourself a feminist? Do you feel like being an attractive white female already puts you in a category?
AM: I could never befriend someone who didn’t consider themselves a feminist, especially if I preach to them and after they still don’t think they’re a feminist (this has never happened). Of course I’m a feminist! It’s the only way to be. However I don’t think being an attractive white female is the reason. If anything it’s the reason I didn’t start learning about it until college. As far as the sexual white colored lights point, I don’t think this is the proper representation for feminist art and movements. It’s not the average and it’s not realistic. I like it for what it is. Race will never not play a role. Both fortunately and unfortunately. White feminism has the farthest reach, the most visibility, as does all white media. It’s unfair. It’s wrong. It’s persistent. It’s definitely a feminist issue but it’s not born out of it.
BM: What advice would you give a person who wants to post more sexually expressive Instagrams but is too afraid of criticism?
AM: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your sexuality or displaying nudity. What we are taught is not necessarily what is. Surround yourself with a network that supports you and understands. Yet another reason to utilize the internet.
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