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Watch: Alvvays “Archie, Marry Me”

Have you and your significant other recently put hideous orange traffic cones on your heads and gleefully giggled at how dumb/adorable you two looked? No? Well, no wonder things are going downhill in your relationship. But don’t despair! Alvvays just released the new music video for “Archie, Marry Me,” with helpful pointers on how to trick your loved one into getting legally bound to you for eternity — even if they might have “explicitly expressed their contempt for matrimony.”

For your convenience, and in no particular order, the most important tips are: take a sailing trip in the Atlantic — and promise you won’t set your sights on any other seas; scour the streets at night for trouble; communicate exclusively in sign language; take yoga classes in the park; visit the local aquarium and chuckle at funny-looking sharks (seriously, check out the one at 2:40 min); meditate in the middle of the street; and definitely lay out tarot cards beforehand to see if all of this even has a point in the first place (Alvvays also suggest locking them in a room in a bubble, but I feel like this one’s only for the most advanced of marriage swindlers.)

Then, last but not least: propose to your significant other with a self-written song (try to incorporate their name in the title, if possible) that will leave them no choice but to chant back “I do” ABBA-style.

Check out the video below.

Alvvays’ self-titled debut album is out now on Polyvinyl Records.

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